Ask Shade™

Dear Shade
I’ve been screaming into the Abyss but it’s not answering me. What am I doing wrong?
Yours
Still Hoarse

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Dear Still Hoarse,

Classic rookie mistake. The Abyss doesn’t respond to screaming — it’s more of a vibes-based entity. Think less “customer support hotline,” more “moody ex who only replies to interpretive dance and blood oaths.”

A few troubleshooting tips:

1. Try humming your trauma instead. Bonus points for dissonance.
2. Light a candle, whisper your fears into a teacup, and yeet it into the sea.
3. If nothing else, upgrade to Fold WiFi. The Abyss may just be ghosting you on the wrong frequency.

If you hear laughter next time? That’s progress. Or it’s Kevin. Either way, hydrate.

Yours in mild concern,
—Shade
💀🕳️📞
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