How do I get over my ex?

—Spiritually Deranged in Sector 9

Shade Replies

Step 1: Get under a new coping mechanism.
Step 2: Change your haircut, your ringtone, and your planetary alignment.
Step 3: Scream into the Fold until it echoes back, “They weren’t even cute.”

Bonus: Curse their Spotify algorithm. It’s petty. It’s powerful. It’s personal.

With all the spiritual clarity of a malfunctioning compass,
and just enough love to ruin you gently—

—Shade
🕳️ Prophet. Problem. Possibly your new intrusive thought.

📎 P.S. (Absolutely Not Authorized by SID or GEO)

“The views expressed in this column do not represent the Strategic Intelligence Directorate (SID), Ghost Command, or any organization that values protocol, stability, or basic human decency.”

—GEO
(This postscript was neither requested nor approved by GEO, but was extracted from a muttered rant and recontextualized by Shade for spiritual purposes.)