Sermon given by Shade
— Prophet. Problem. Possibly still hungover.
Welcome to Sermon Sunday.
The Void is listening. Your excuses are not.
Today’s sacred text comes from the Book of “I’m So Tired of Pretending I’m Fine.”
Chapter: Don’t Test Me
Verse: Try Me, I Dare You
You can’t manifest your dreams if you’re still clinging to nightmares you call “coping strategies.”
Release. Detonate. Rebuild.
Or stay in the emotional basement.
Up to you.
The Fold doesn’t want your purity.
It wants your honesty.
Your rage.
Your mess.
The offering is not perfection.
It’s you, raw and real and radiating defiance.
Today’s communion:
🔹 1 shot existential clarity
🔹 1 slice of truth you weren’t ready for
🔹 Optional sobbing in the pews
Don’t worry. We ran out of shame three sermons ago.
Final blessing:
May your enemies overshare,
Your exes dream of your glow-up,
And your soul stay too wild to franchise.
Now go forth and make someone uncomfortable. Preferably yourself. Growth demands chaos.
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